altNope, I’ve not been given the old heave-ho just yet, but I thought I would make my services more widely available.

One of the biggest criticisms pub trade journalists receive, as we commentate from the sidelines, is that as we don’t actually work in the trade then we can't really know the intricacies of what we are on about.

Well, I can see some merit to that argument but it is a bit like telling Motty that he has no right to commentate on top flight games because he never made it as a footballer.

Clearly Motty knows what he is on about and I like to think that I, and my contemporaries, are in a good position to report on and write about the pub trade too.

That said, I can also see the benefit to getting a bit more practical experience. Save for a few shifts here and there back in my student days (many, many moons ago) it has been a long time since I worked in a pub.

So consider this my application letter to anyone who could do with a spare pair of hands every now and then.

I like to think of myself as a people-person, well-presented, a fast-learner and able to adapt to a number of tasks. I’ll get stuck in and I’m also very, very cheap. In fact, sod it, I will do it for free.

I am really looking for licensees to give me hands on experience in all areas of the business. I will empty ashtrays, wait tables, pour pints, change barrels, collect orders, run your Twitter account, put up posters.

Whatever it is, I am willing to do it to learn more about the trade that I write about and have viewed primarily through the eyes of those who work in it and my own eyes as a customer and a journalist.

On the downside, I am currently employed so the shifts will have to fit around the day job and I am likely to write about my experiences and put them out there in the public domain. I might even exaggerate slightly to make them appear funnier.

Also, let’s leave this until after Christmas, shall we. I’m keen, but I’m not a glutton for punishment.

But if you want to give a hack a chance at learning more about the business then I’m your man. I’ll do my best not to get in the way too much, I promise.

Interested?

Then drop me a line at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.