*Not really

 

Our resident Barstool Expert's guide to the greatest show on earth...

 

It's all kicking off in Russia, then.
Oh no, what's happened now? I didn't think Anglo-Russian relations could get much worse.

 

No, I mean the World Cup. Not long now till the month-long football extravaganza starting today (June 14), featuring 32 nations, that comes along once every four years to the delight of the licensed trade and fans of the beautiful game.
Bit of information overload, but yes, I know the one. Will you be watching it?

 

Naturally, me and 3.2 billion other people.
Hopefully they don't all come to the pub at the same time.

 

True. That's a lot of people nursing a pint for each half. Still, England are looking half-decent again.
Please. Don't get your hopes up.

 

Come on. We've got one of the most prolific strikers in the world, a bold young manager who has implemented a new system playing to our strengths, pace, youth and several players who have been learning their trade from the football master, Pep Guardiola.
You don't honestly think they've got a chance, do you?

 

Yes. Of getting out of the group.
Well, that would be a bonus.

 

Most pubs are only planning on three England games, due to recent tournament disasters. Remember Iceland?
Who could forget? At least the Three Lions are going to be there. Unless there's another diplomatic disaster between now and then...

 

Stop it. We need some positive thinking here.
Like Uri Geller helping the nation cure David Beckham's broken metatarsal? I suppose the games are on at decent times at least.

 

Kick-offs are all in the afternoon or early evening. Perfect for pubs. It should only be good for trade. There you go, that wasn't so difficult was it?
Neither is a group game against Panama, but things never seem to go to plan. I just hope it passes without any trouble.

 

Don't we all.
At least the next World Cup in 2022 will be held somewhere much more sensible, won't it? Remind me, where is it again?

Qatar.

 

 

Win the World Cup: It's all about getting the right team. Make sure your squad know their roles inside-out so they are ready for when match day comes along. Your experience as the gaffer should help you cope when things don't go to plan. Don't lose your head. Or the remote.

Group stage exit: Don't bank on England going deep into the tournament. Make more of non-England games by theming your menu, forging links with fans from other nations and by running a good old sweepstake. Or simply transform into a German theme bar for the month.

 

From expert tips on making the most of the tournament in your pub to a full fixture list, check out our World Cup features here