Ten of the most annoying things that you'll only understand if you work behind the bar.
The most annoying things bar staff have to put up with, inspired by @bar_staff_probs on Twitter
1. When customers ask for “a pint”
Of what? Vodka? Water? Prawns? “Beer,” they reply. You glance around at your 10-tap bar, the will to live slowly draining from your body, resisting the urge to give Mr or Mrs Vague a pint of your mind.
2. When CCTV catches you falling over
After face planting a tub of mayonnaise last week, you are now forced to watch it back daily in the office. It’s You’ve Been Framed without the £250 reward.
3. When asking for ID causes issues
That eye roll you get when they turned 18 a month ago. Or when they show you a photo on their phone of their sister’s passport… nice try pal, you can have a Fruit Shoot.
4. When the customer just won’t stop talking
The pub is all about a good natter, but when you’ve just heard the entire life story of someone’s sister’s daughter’s boyfriend’s cat Tibbles, you can hear that quiet, human-less cellar calling.
5. When everyone suddenly becomes your best mate
It’s like everyone knowing you’ve won the lottery. The bar is about to shut, yet suddenly everyone is being suspiciously nice… funny that, eh.
6. When the customer is NOT always right
Customer: "I've been waiting over an hour for my food" You: *Checks ticket, they’ve been waiting 12 minutes.* You resist the urge to serve their dinner on a ticking clock face.
7. When paying for drinks is not a priority
You’ve just poured four vodka, lime & sodas and six pints, but they’re too busy on their phone or taking selfies at the bar to pay, let alone thank you. It’s not like you have 101 other things to do…
8. When the “Trip Advisor” card is pulled
There is a specific place in hell for customers who bargain for discount, a different table, [insert unreasonable request here] by threatening to review you on Trip Advisor.
9. When they all want to pay separately
Usually, it’s not a problem, but when a table of 16 on a Friday night are paying in cards, cash, cheques and bitcoins, you can’t help but consider that it would be less painful to submerge your head in the deep fat fryer.
10. When customers count change out onto the bar
Typically into that pool of Sambuca. Whoever is cashing up tonight can dial 999 in advance for when their fingers get stuck together with the Sambuca-superglue.